For decades, the world assumed Tom Brady and Sigourney Weaver belonged to entirely separate universes: one throwing footballs, the other throwing aliens out of airlocks. But new \u201cevidence\u201d\u2014discovered in a suspiciously crumpled family scrapbook\u2014suggests the two may actually be related.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to the scrapbook, Brady and Weaver share a distant ancestor named Bartholomew \u201cThe Arm\u201d Weaver-Brady<\/strong>, a 17th-century New England fisherman who allegedly caught footballs instead of fish. Historians dismiss the claim, mainly because footballs had not yet been invented and because the scrapbook was purchased at a yard sale.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The supposed family connection became obvious to experts after they compared the pair\u2019s professional accomplishments. Brady spent years avoiding defenders, while Weaver spent years avoiding extraterrestrials. Both also demonstrated a remarkable ability to remain calm while surrounded by people shouting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The strongest clue is reportedly their shared genetic trait: an unusually powerful ability to stare intensely into the middle distance during dramatic moments.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Family researchers also point to their names. \u201cBrady\u201d may derive from an ancient word meaning \u201cone who wins too often,\u201d while \u201cWeaver\u201d apparently means \u201cone who weaves elaborate narratives involving aliens.\u201d Linguists have confirmed that neither explanation is remotely accurate, but agreed that both \u201csound convincing.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n A leaked family tree allegedly places Sigourney Weaver at the top, Tom Brady in the middle, and a confused-looking llama at the bottom. The llama has not commented.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The relationship may explain why Brady once appeared comfortable in front of cameras, while Weaver became suspiciously good at running through dark corridors carrying heavy equipment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cTom has always had a quarterback\u2019s instincts,\u201d said an unnamed cousin. \u201cSigourney has always had a spaceship captain\u2019s instincts. In our family, both are considered useful at Thanksgiving.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\nThe Evidence<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
A Sporting Connection<\/h2>\n\n\n\n